Nope.
That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.
You don’t need to get to know me. My friends only tolerate me because I feed them.
This is about food. I show you how to cook stuff, and then you cook your own stuff. Might be better than mine, different than mine, and in the beginning at least, likely worse than mine. But that’s okay because we’re in this together now, pumpkin.
Why do I think I’m special enough to teach you these food things? A wildly inflated ego, mostly. I also went to food school and did food work in exchange for food money. Plus my mom thinks I’m smart. Maybe if you redirected the energy you’re using to obsess about my qualifications towards learning how the ?#@& to stop being a complete asshat in the kitchen, people would tolerate you too.
How this does work.
However I damn well want it to. And you’ll like it that way.
People really like to get their panties in a wad when it comes to cooking, especially when they get to do so through the anonymity of the internet. And look, I get it, judging people from atop the fortress of your own self-righteousness can be a damn fun time, but it’s also a complete WASTE of time, so even though I may talk a big game I’m really not about endorsing the idea that there’s a mythical “best” way of doing things in a kitchen because, let’s face it, there isn’t just one. As far as I’m aware, there are at least three ways of doing things - the right way, the wrong way, and my way. HTFDIMT is entirely and exclusively about the last one. And, if I actually achieve what I’m setting out to do (yes, Dad, that would be a first for me), through this process you’ll discover the fourth and most valuable way - your way.
After obliterating whatever scraps remained of my dignity, it turns out I have a face for radio and a voice for closed captions. I also conveniently had 10 years banked in a motion design career before I realized I’d much rather fuck with cooking than with the Adobe Suite. Combine all of that and you get whatever dumpster fire of a website this is. Also crippling debt. Possibly a touch of a caffeine problem as well.
Full disclosure - to be successful here you’re gonna have to read some words, but I’m gonna try to make those words fun. Don’t like fun? Well, I don’t like you. There will be gifs, images, memes, links, videos, and whatever other forms of creative expression I happen to find buried in the sandbox of the magical playground called the internet. You’re welcome.
Behold, my stuff.
In the interest of saving everyone’s time (mostly mine) by trying to explain what this website is all about, I’m gonna throw in a quick freebie so you can check it out for your own self. If you’re into it, get you an ultimate basic membership deluxe. Line forms to the left. If not, well, you’re just a garbage person apparently. You do you, boo boo.
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